Fear
- Mike Rydman
- Oct 10, 2007
Fear
"Fear" is a subject of frequent analysis and conversation these days in our church. We all have fears, but feel decidedly non-Christian when admitting to our fears to each other, to God and to ourselves.
Yet, we all have something or something's that cause us to be afraid, and it is those fears that can have incredible impact on our lives, creating false motivations if not false idols we can spend an entire lifetime trying to satisfy.
Now I am not a psychologist. My undergrad degree in psychology convinces me I have just enough information to be dangerous, so it is not my intent to analyze or condemn anyone. Also, I fancy myself (in my false sense of self) to be someone who is not paralyzed by any fear. I can often be guilty of putting up a Teflon façade that may convince others that I am impervious to ever feeling subjective or hurt or injured by anyone. Somehow I have been relatively successful in convincing most people that I simply do not allow myself to be afraid. Oh, if only that were the truth!
Sigmund Freud was correct on several fronts. He is not necessarily correct in encouraging us to blame every ill on our parents, for Scripture tells us that each of us is accountable to God for our own actions, (Romans 14:12.) However, I do agree with Dr. Freud in his conclusions that everyone brings fears with him or her from their past, even when those fears have absolutely no basis or substance or reason to cause fear in us. Admittedly, some if not most of our fears are illogical.
Many of us take responsibility for things we are not responsible for. How many small children have grown into adulthood feeling somehow "responsible" for their parents' divorce? How many of us are confirmed workaholics, trying to run from the fear of not gaining people's approval? How many of us compensate for being seen as weak by being over bearing in our relationships? And how many of us use the people we love to compensate for the lack of love we have for ourselves? Scary, dark psychology stuff here, eh?
In recent months I have been forced to come to the full acknowledgement of my primary fear: the fear that I won't be respected. Sadly, I even know when and how this became the primary false idol in my life:
I was a young youth pastor twenty years ago. I remember a young deacon in that church telling me one day, and intended as a compliment that when he drove by the church on his way to work each day he would see my car in the parking lot, before the other cars arrived each morning. It was his way of telling me he knew I was "working hard." However, instead of accepting it as a simple compliment I mistakenly took it as a mantra for life, a driving force that has taken me down a road filled with dangers and for which no 12-step recovery program exists.
That singular experience, coupled with other similar episodes in my life somehow impressed me with the felt need to impress other people. From those moments on, failure was no longer an option for me, and I was driven by success in order to be valued. I was okay with people calling me stupid, but I was intolerant of the idea of anyone calling me lazy. I determined to be busy for busy sake, just so I could gain people's respect. The sad result? I replaced the God of the universe, the Author of grace and the Lover of my soul with a false idol: me. My need for respect became more important than my created purpose - to know God, and enjoy Him forever.
And what a false idol it can be; a false god who is never satisfied, and frankly a false god who never gives anything of value back, because, after all, all false gods are false.
In being constantly busy in order to gain respect, I learned a hard fact: no one else really cares. They're too busy dealing with their own fears to spend much time noticing my workaholic tendencies in my attempt to compensate for my false idol, the fear of no respect.
Getting to the inevitable end of chasing this false idol has left me dissatisfied, as all false idols leave us dissatisfied. In recent months my gracious God has lovingly forced me to turn from this sinful idol worship, and focus again on the True God.
Proverbs 1:7 says this, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction."
I've read this verse on the first day of every month for years now. However, I am now reading this for what it says; to fear God is to seek His holiness; to fear God is to gain knowledge and wisdom and instruction; to fear God is to fear nothing but God. Biblical fear is a "healthy respect and awe" for our God who is bigger and greater than I could ever hope to be. Fearing God also means I can take my lame, little, false fears to the feet of His throne and leave them there, once and for all.
I am not infallible. I am not the man, the husband, the father or the Christian I want to be, or think I should be. At the same time, I have in the Lord Jesus a God who strengthens me when I am not strong, and gives me "success" when I am incapable. My "respect" comes from being His child; his reputation can be glorified when I respect Him instead of trying to get others to respect me.
The Apostle Paul says it this way, "For I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me..." (Romans 15:18a)
So consider me a recovering respect addict. I am now on the road to allowing my heart to chase after seeing Jesus be respected in me. Hopefully, you all will find that to be respectable.